The Trouble with Translation Charms
by Cerebella Kennor
Summary: The trio wonders how Team Seven walks on walls. Caught spying, they're forced into the headmaster's office by Kakashi for a scolding. When they try to get over their differences and compare worlds, they learn why translation charms aren't widely used.


**AN: I'm really on a roll here. Three stories in three days (or four, if you consider the time)! I'm immensly thankful for everyone who has reviewed or favourited any of my stories, and for those who put me on alert (it's great to know that my sense of humour isn't as outrageous as I've been led to believe). Knowing that people actually like my work is really inspirational, so thank you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter**

The strangest thing had happened at Hogwarts during the Sorting feast – though Harry insisted that it wasn't any stranger than talking spiders or soul-eating books. There had been an extremely bright flash that nearly blinded the entire school and suddenly four of the oddest people Harry had ever laid eyes on had flown out from the depths of the vortex of light. They had been speckled with blood, worn odd metal forehead protectors wrapped around their heads, and held knives in their hands as though expecting to be attacked. Dumbledore had taken care of the situation rather quickly and efficiently. He'd spoken a few words in Japanese, answered a few questions, and showed a bit of magic before the vortex-travellers calmed down in the slightest. Dumbledore had said that they were ninja and dimensional travellers, and that they would stay and help protect the castle from Sirius Black while the teachers searched for a way to send them back.

It had all seemed to be okay, so Harry, Ron, and Hermione had decided to leave it be, instead concentrating on the heavier load of third year homework, Quidditch, and chess strategies. However, when the trio had spotted the group of ninja scaling the walls and ceiling, they'd decided to spy on them to see if they might learn something. It turned out that the ninja didn't appreciate having invisible people watch them train; which landed them in the situation they were in now: sitting in the headmaster's office and having a staring contest with the visitors while they waited for Dumbledore to return. Harry had the feeling that the headmaster was waiting for them to apologize.

"Look," he began, "I think we got off on the wrong foot. We didn't mean to spy on you—"

"Yes we did," Ron interrupted.

"Ron!" Harry glared. "What I meant is that we didn't mean to – to insult you or anything. We just wanted to know what you were doing."

The one introduced as Kakashi nodded thoughtfully. "You are as suspicious as ninja are. That's not a bad thing."

Hermione smiled brightly at the teacher's praise. Ron just stared angrily at Kakashi for having told on them. Harry rolled his eyes at how predictable his friends were. "I don't know how different your world is, but I guess here it's not really right to watch people when they don't know about it—"

"We knew about it," the brooding Sasuke scoffed, crossing his arms.

Harry's eye twitched, but he forced himself to calm down. These people could kill him, after all. "We're sorry, alright?"

"Okay," Kakashi said. "It's fine – we're used to having hidden eyes watching us. There's no way you heard anything kept secret."

"How different is your dimension?" Sakura wondered shyly.

"I'm not sure," Hermione said. "We'd have to make a comparison."

"I guess we start with the easy questions," Sakura decided. "Do you have erections, or do you take the position by force?"

Harry flushed and stared in wide-eyed wonderment at the dimension travellers. "Of course we have them!" Harry squeaked. "What, did you think there was something wrong with us?"

"Why is that wrong?" Sakura wondered. "We don't have erections."

It was Hermione's turn to blush and stare, looking at the foreign female as though she were stupid. "Well _you_ wouldn't have one!" she sputtered. "You're a woman – it's physically impossible for women!"

The team of ninja shared a look of stupefaction. Were these British folk for real? "That is rather sexist, to think that women ought not have them," Kakashi pointed out slowly.

"Not really! They'd only have them if something were wrong with them!" Hermione said indignantly.

"We think it's better to take by force," Sasuke stated. "It's best that the strongest take charge."

"Well I suppose that makes sense," Ron admitted grudgingly. "The strong are usually more controlling; I guess it's really rare that you'd find someone like Dumbledore – never mind, I don't really want to think about what he does in the bedroom."

"You do erections in the bedroom? What for? When we have them, we do them in a group setting," Kakashi explained. "It's much quicker and easier this way."

"If you're an exhibitionist," Hermione harrumphed.

"You do erections very differentry than us," Naruto told the trio.

"I guess every dimension has its own code," Ron figured. "I kind of wonder what it'd be like if a woman—"

"Ronald!" Hermione screeched. "Don't even go there!"

"Sorry," he muttered. Then he turned to Harry and muttered, "You'd think she'd be happy that I'm interested in something academic."

Harry snorted, wondering how reading about sex would be considered an academic. "Look, maybe we should talk about something different. It's not really okay to be talking about this so openly," Harry told the ninja.

"Sheesh, and I thought Konoha was tight ass about this," Naruto mumbled. "I wish you didn't have to be scared to say or do things."

"We aren't scared," Ron defended, "it's just that our world's a bit different than yours and sex generally stays in the bedroom unless you're a bit more adventurous."

The shinobi's eyes popped and their jaws dropped. "S-sex?" Sakura squeaked. "You have sex during erections? Isn't that forbidden? The Hokage word be pissed if ninja had sex during the few times we have erections!"

The Golden Trio were now very confused. "B-but you just said you had erections in public places!" Hermione accused.

"Erections?" Kakashi snorted. "We mean erections, not erections! We get _those_ more often than Hokage does erections for regisration or raws."

Hermione looked as though she'd had an epiphany. "You mean e_l_ections, not e_r_ections!"

"Is what we say," Naruto insisted.

"No, your l sounds like an r," Ron said. "We kept hearing erections and we thought – well..."

"This is embarrassing," Harry muttered to his friends.

The ninja, who were a good two feet away, nodded in agreement. It was then Dumbledore entered his office, greeted by six blushing faces and an eye-smile. "Did you have a nice conversation?" he asked them with a smile, no doubt hoping that they'd worked everything out.

"We tried to compare dimensions and tried to speak of erections, sensei," Sakura said quietly.

"Ah yes," Dumbledore said while nodding, "I'd nearly forgotten that Konoha was ruled by might. You'll find it no different here, exchanging physical prowess for political savvy, though I daresay we're a tad more lenient than your dimension proves itself to be."

The Hogwarts students stared at their headmaster in awe. Finally, Harry worked up the courage to ask him the question he and his friends were dying to know the answer to: "Professor, how was it that you understood what they were saying?"

Dumbledore tilted his head forward and observed his students from above his half-moon spectacles before nodding. "I see that you've discovered the trouble with translation charms," he said cheerfully, eyes twinkling. "No matter how perfect the execution of said charm is, there is no way to get rid of an accent except diligent study of the language. One cannot move his or her tongue in a manner unfamiliar without practice. I daresay you had a might more interesting topic of conversation than politics," he chuckled.


End file.
